i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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