He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
