i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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