If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
