I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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