I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
