i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
