the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
