So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
