If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
