its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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