i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
