I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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