he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
