i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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