I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
