I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
