I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
