Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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