all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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