In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
