i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When are your genitals available?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
