sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
