Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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