Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
