Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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