i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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