Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
