she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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