He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
