i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
