I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How's work?
Spinning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
