so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
