Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
