I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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