i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
