I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
