I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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