how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
