i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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