so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
