hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
