I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
