I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
