Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
