My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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