my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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