Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
