Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
