im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
