I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
